The Paul Keating Insults Archive

The Paul Keating Insults Archive is here.

It appears Keating kept his best insults for John Howard (the opposition leader at the time). Here are a few gems:

“The little desiccated coconut is under pressure and he is attacking anything he can get his hands on”

“For Mr Howard to get to the high moral ground, he would first need to climb out of the volcanic hole he had dug for himself over the last decade. It is like one of those diamond mine holes in South Africa. They are about a mile underground. He would have to come a mile up to get to even equilibrium let alone have any contest in morality with Kevin Rudd.”

“What we have got is a dead carcass, swinging in the breeze, but nobody will cut it down to replace him.”

“…the brain-damaged Leader of the Opposition…”

(Of his 1986 leadership) “From this day onwards, Howard will wear his leadership like a crown of thorns, and in the parliament I’ll do everything to crucify him.”

“He is the greatest job and investment destroyer since the bubonic plague.”

“But I will never get to the stage of wanting to lead the nation standing in front of the mirror each morning clipping the eyebrows here and clipping the eyebrows there with Janette and the kids: It’s like ‘Spot the eyebrows’.”

“I am not like the Leader of the Opposition. I did not slither out of the Cabinet room like a mangy maggot…”

“He has more hide than a team of elephants.”

Though another former leader of the opposition, John Hewson, also gets some classy insults thrown at him in parliament:

“(His performance) is like being flogged with a warm lettuce.”

“I’m not going to be fairy flossed away as my opposite number, John Hewson, is prepared to be fairy flossed away by some spaced out, vacous ad agency.”

And who could forget the insults hurled at former Liberal Party leader and shadow treasurer Andrew Peacock:

“…what we have here is an intellectual rust bucket.”

“…if this gutless spiv, and I refer to him as a gutless spiv…”

“He could not rise above his own opportunism or his incapacity to lead.”

“I suppose that the Honourable Gentleman’s hair, like his intellect, will recede into th darkness.”

“He represents nothing and nobody.”

“You’ve been in the dye pot again, Andrew.”

“The Leader of the Opposition is more to be pitied than despised, the poor old thing.” “The Liberal Party ought to put him down like a faithful dog because he is of no use to it and of no use to the nation.”

“We’re not interested in the views of painted, perfumed gigolos.”

Plenty of others at The Paul Keating Insults Archive.

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